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Wednesday, 2 December 2009

Stead celebrates winner by recreating Haaland assault

Matchwinner Jon Stead brought further pleasure to Ipswich fans on Sunday by recreating Roy Keane’s vicious attack on Alf-Inge Haaland, provoking mirth from all quarters.

Unobjectionable utility schlub Haaland, who retired a year after volatile dog-exhauster Keane mangled his cruciate in 2001, was at the literally-named Cardiff City Stadium to promote Fibulous, the charity set up to help children whose knees have been irreparably damaged by Roy Keane.

In a post-match interview Stead described his humourous celebration, which involved kicking Haaland all the way from the executive lounge down several flights of stairs and over the advertising hoardings into the centre circle, before booting him so hard he landed on his head.

“Basically, the lads all made a circle and I just kicked him incredibly violently right above the patella”, chortled Stead. "We just wanted to show the gaffer we're 110 per cent behind him."

"The lads were having a bit of banter about it last night", continued the yokel-faced frontman, "and we agreed that whoever scored had to be the one who did him [Haaland].”

“I also called him a cunt.”

For his part, Haaland laughed off Stead’s tribute while relaxing into the foetal position on the side of the pitch. “It is most droll”, he commented, his teeth clenched in a broad smile. “Please could someone call a paramedic?”

1 comment:

  1. Thats the funniest shit you've wrote so far.

    I'm still laughing now, 'I also called him a cunt'.