FA continues war against weak by laying waste to Chester

The Football Association today continued its baffling assault on the nation's most needy clubs by dealing punch-drunk Chester City a 25-point penalty and a raft of other cruel punishments.

As demanded by FA Guideline 29b: 'at all times we will try and make the rich clubs richer and the poor clubs poorer', English football's governing body has made concerted efforts to cripple any team suffering from financial problems.

Last season, Luton Town and AFC Bournemouth were dealt heavy points penalties. While Luton dropped out of League Two, the Cherries heroically amassed the 105 points needed to survive, much to the chagrin of stony-faced grey-suited FA officials, who packed into the away end of the Fitness First Stadium for every Bournemouth home game.

Chester are the latest side to anger the FA with their poverty and the newly-relegated outfit will start their Football Conference campaign on -25 points.

Furthermore, the Deva Stadium side will be forced to wear a brown and pink kit, they will have to travel to away games by horse and cart and manager Mick Wadsworth must field at least one member of the Hollyoaks cast per game.

"We got 'em good!" FA chief executive Ian Watmore whooped. "I wanted to make it 100 points but let's see how they do with 10 professionals and a vacuous simpleton from a second-rate soap.

"It's so important that we show clubs you can't get away with being poor. I can't understand the charity culture these days, a few meaty fines would sort the developing world out in no time."