EXTRAVAGANT NONSENSE

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Wednesday, 27 May 2009

Hodgson caught selling UEFA place

FIFA have promised a "full investigation" after it emerged that Fulham manager Roy Hodgson is trying to sell the Cottagers' UEFA Cup place on Gumtree.

The West London minnows exceeded expectations this term and finished in seventh place, earning them a spot in the inaugural Europa League.

The rebranded UEFA Cup is the brainchild of Michel Platini, who has promised that the competition will be "an endless stream of flaccid contests between former Soviet bloc makeweights and teams like Everton".

Platini hopes that teams will take the once-great tournament more seriously after several top sides fielded a mixture of youth players, coaching staff and inanimate objects in the 2007-08 edition.

However, the UEFA President will be hurt by the news that Fulham have tried to sell their place in next year's Europa League using online classified site Gumtree. 

"We never really meant to qualify," manager Hodgson sniffed. "We even lost to Everton on the last day, but Spurs had seen the danger and didn't bite. We don't mean any disrespect to anyone but who the fuck wants to travel to Lech Poznan on a Thursday night?"

Hodgson, who has been bravely battling a cold for the last 40 years, confirmed that he had been contacted by several interested parties, including ITV presenters Ant and Dec.

"There's been a bid from Ant and Dec," Hodgson confirmed. "They feel it's that time in their careers when they should be in a European football competition."

While Ant and Dec would be rank outsiders for Europa League glory, they could draw inspiration from fellow TV star Les Dennis who stunned Latvians FK Riga in the first round in 1999.

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