EXTRAVAGANT NONSENSE

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Thursday, 28 May 2009

Holy fucking shit, United lose!


Barcelona 2-0 Manchester United
Barcelona are the champions of Europe after inflicting Manchester United's first defeat in over 100 years.

The Catalan giants ended the Red Devils' reign of terror with a deserved 2-0 victory at Rome's Stadio Olimpico, leaving Sir Alex Ferguson's men shell-shocked.

The result came as such a jolt to United's previously invincible stars that Rio Ferdinand hoisted the trophy aloft anyway before UEFA officials politely pointed out his mistake.

Amongst the 75,000 fans in the Eternal City was the world's oldest man Alfie Greene, a veteran of United's last defeat - an 8-4 loss to the Royal Engineers in 1903 - who admitted that he didn't think this day would come.

"I've never liked United, so it has been a tough 106 years for me," he murmured. "The 1990s were especially hard as the bastards won every game with a 94th minute goal."

Dour Scotsman Ferguson was left to wonder what might have been on an evening that saw no fewer than four shots on target for his side.

"We were completely dominant for the first 300 seconds," he lamented. "Granted we didn't really have the ball after that, but we should have put the game away."

United's devastated players must now pick themselves up for the serious business of a meandering merchandise-oriented pre-season tour aimed at milking the developing world dry.

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