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Thursday, 27 August 2009

List of players who will never play under Keane grows to almost all players ever

Terrifying psychopath and Ipswich Town manager Roy Keane is facing a selection crisis for this weekend's fixture against Preston after adding still more names to the list of players he will never consider for selection.

Keane, whose playing career was punctuated by acts of savage brutality, has fairly unsurprisingly taken a pugnacious approach to management.

Reduced to a growling wreck by a miserable start to the season at Ipswich, the ferocious Irishman opted wield the axe (thankfully, figuratively rather than literally, as he frequently did during his time at Sunderland) after a Carling Cup exit at the hands of Peterborough.

While there were mercifully few casualties, Keane has told almost good striker John Stead and midfielders Owen Garvan and Alan Quinn that they won't be considered for selection from now on.

Including the latest outcasts, 23 of Keane's 25 players have now been frozen out, leaving the fiery tactician with a numbers problem. Cowering goalkeeper Richard Wright is expected to take to the field with just Alex Bruce for company at Portman Road on Saturday but Keane himself has promised to bring some boots.

Reports suggest that Keane is planning to enter the market for new recruits, but this could be a tough process given his well-documented grudges against over 2,000 Premier League and Football League players, most other managers, agents and mascots.

Ipswich chairman Marcus Evans has stressed his complete support for Keane, but was heard mumbling: "Who would have thought a borderline maniac with a notoriously short fuse would fall out with so many players?"

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