Lowest common denominator filth rag the News of the World is being investigated for tapping conversations involving high-profile British figures and the latest name to surface is that of mahogany-faced Manchester United boss Alex Ferguson.
But News of the World operatives got more than they bargained on when they listened in to the dour Scotsman's calls.
"We were just hoping to get a bit of transfer gossip, but instead we found ourselves listening to a tortured soul, a fragile creative genius," an emotional Max Greene revealed at today's hearing.
"Every day Ferguson would phone at least one literary great like Margaret Atwood or Derek Walcott and read a poem or a short story he had created.
"His writing was so heartfelt and so beautiful - we would be sat around listening in with tears streaming down our cheeks.
"Maybe Ferguson doesn't want his genius to be exposed, but he owes the world the fruits of his gift."
Greene then choked back tears as he recalled a conversation between Ferguson and Newcastle United hero Alan Shearer.
"They were discussing whether there is such thing as a truly altruistic act.
"Alex gave a compelling argument for an innate desire to behave unselfishly, but Alan countered by suggesting that any biological basis for a good deed must be selfish.
"It was like listening to Plato and Aristotle. Oh, then they made some blinding jokes about Howard Webb."