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Wednesday, 9 September 2009

Bilic takes time out from howling at moon to mumble incomprehensibly about 'Englishness'

England's preparations for their must-win-but-probably-doesn't matter-if-they-don't World Cup 2010 qualifier against Croatia have ground to a halt while the leading minds in the country try to decipher the meaning of Slaven Bilic's latest press conference.

Bilic, who is more wolf than man, is a master of mind-games and famously tied the hapless Steve McClaren in knots before the two sides met in a Euro 2008 qualification decider to the extent where the England boss turned up to Wembley with a Croatia shirt on.

While the inscrutable Fabio Capello may be a tougher nut to crack, the Italian's Lego-man face surely betrayed some confusion as Bilic murmured apparently contradictory epithets and chewed on a grasshopper.

"England have lost some of their Englishness," the rabid tactician claimed. "This is not an insult but a compliment."

Bilic's comments have thrown the FA into panic as they try and work out whether or not the England side 'have a point to prove' and if they should come out 'like a raging bull' against the Croats.

An emergency meeting of the nation's leading psychologists called late last night hasn't yet produced a definite ruling on what Bilic said and this morning's training session was cancelled after Frank Lampard's attempts to solve the riddle resulted in the Chelsea midfielder lapsing into a trance-like state and losing bowel function.


  1. Frank Lampard allegedly has an IQ of over 150, according to the Telegraph. And he has a GCSE in Latin.

  2. Frank Lampard believes that teeth are made from Polos.